Without Acceptance One Can't Define Success

If I asked you what acceptance meant for you in your definition of success, would you be able To clarify it for me?

For many, their criteria for success can begin to distort, and they find themselves influenced by societal, parental, digital trends and ingrained behaviours.

Many of which instilled by someone or something that has no real purpose in the power of value-driven momentum.

Career and self-employment/entrepreneurial success definitions can be a sneaky bugger. For sure, our values change as we age, and our circumstances alter.

Many people will define success as a lifestyle business earning €10,000 a year and for others, it will be a hardcore hustle making €100,000 a year. 

There are no rights or wrongs as long as one knows and understands the risk involved and the leveraging of skills, time and energy that is needed to achieve such a vision. 

For some, the price of success and security is insecurity. For others, the challenge and chaos of insecurity with uncertainty come in the form of past success and security.

One thing I have felt deeply in my career transition was the power of influence.

In particular, on a negative and positive basis, but also how other professionals measures of success projecting had a significant effect on derailing me from acceptance of my success.

Here is one such story...

I had a mentorship call a few years ago with a "business coach" provided to me on a course.

At this point, I reckon I was on my tenth business plan, which had drastically changed from a financial perspective after my first and subsequent visits to my accountant. 

When you lose your job, retrain and start a business, your brain can play tricks on you around measures of success based on a former career. 

Anyway, I decided on a more realistic financial goal for me and my company based on my situation and lifestyle—a very frugal and minimalist one.

And one that I still have not made but hey I'm okay with that. I remember the "business coach" decided my financial goal was nonsense and I couldn't live on less than €80,000 a year as I lived in Dublin.

To clarify, I've lived in Dublin all my life and have a decent level of fulfillment and satisfaction based on my needs and wants. 

Their exact words... 

"You need to be making €80,000 a year out of that business for yourself by year three."

€80,000 was the figure I showed up to my accountant with during my first year in business. I learned it wasn't realistic with my research and her help and advice.

By the way, I'm not saying you can't make that in the long run in my industry but initially managing expectations is critical for clarity.

At the time I was like oh okay I gather said "business coach" wants me to be a huge success financially and kudos to her for challenging me.

I realize now she hadn't a clue about me, my business, what I wanted and why I wanted it. She was projecting her measure of success onto me.

And I let her by choice. 

I then spent weeks mulling over my revised business plan and messed it up again. I am grateful I had another mentor catch my conflicted and disillusioned state before I became too distanced from the direction I am going in now. It is my path.

I remember he simply asked me if I was happy with my figure based on my lifestyle and needs? 

I said, yes. There is a reason I always state I have a lifestyle business I choose it. 

He also made me consider the burn rate on working at the level needed to take in €80,000 to €100,000 a year coaching, and if I wanted that?

He opened up all perspectives and made me feel comfortable and confident in mine. 

He'd been there he knew. He could relate he was a great mentor. 

My point is if you are not grounded in this stuff, it's easy to be pulled in many directions and get derailed from the details of your value-driven path. 

I never challenge my clients about money goals. If they want to make €500,000 a year or €10,000 a year as long as it's risk assessed and aligning with their measure of success, I don't care.

I trust they know, and if not, I can help them if needed with appropriate coaching and perspective. 

I had someone come to me some months ago in the coaching industry when this shit show kicked off seeking advice. I trust them, and they trust me but me being an open book about my life and work sometimes can be to my detriment.

I subsequently had this thrown back at me. 

“When you are making €100,000 a year I'll take your advice." 

Again they were projecting their measure of success onto me. I'm not going to lie it pissed me off.

We fell out and then realigned as I understood from an empathetic level why it happened.

And it did begin to cause me to question myself again, but then I stood grounded for me, for what I stand for and my definition of success. 

Do you see now why it is so important? 

You can't allow yourself to go into energy deficits in business from comparing success with others or let their or societies projections to distract you. 

It's a major headache you don't need. And as for money coaches, business coaches and mentors. 

Choose wisely. 

Remember, when we aspire to be something we are not, we can resign ourselves to suffer the pains of inadequacy. 

Success begins for many with acceptance and forgiveness of inadequacy and realizing what is within their control to move forward. 

That is when we can proceed with an intuitive inquiry which leads us to find the inspiration to define our measure of success.

So what does success look like for me? I am reflecting on it this Bank Holiday Monday in Dublin amidst all the challenges and chaos this pandemic has thrown about. 

It's having a lie-in with the dog. That feeling when both our bladders are about to burst, but we don't want to move!

It's having a spa day in my own home a proper form stay-cation in this new world.

It's showing up without having to show up.

It’s not having to make €80,000 per annum.

It’s writing blogs on Bank Holiday Mondays about my measure of success. 

It is acceptance on my terms.

Here are some simple but powerfully reflective questions for you this new week and month to help you accept and process success on your terms.

1. What do you want to experience?

2. What would that feel like?

3. How do you want to contribute?

4. What impact do you want to have?

5. How much are you earning?

6. How much do you want to make?

7. How do you want to live?

8. Where do you want to live?

9. How do you prioritize your health and wellness?

10. Who are you surrounded by in your life and work?

11. How does that affect you?

12. How do you want to feel?

13. What are your metrics for measuring personal and professional success?

14. What would be happening in a year if you achieve that success?

15. What themes run across your kindle, blog and podcast choices?

16. What does that say about you?

For more on career coaching see my LinkedIn for weekly tips and advice or book a one-off consultation here.